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While demographers argue whether the US divorce rate is rising or falling, one thing is common in most divorce cases. Pornography.Pornography is not something that only affects the person using it. The negative impact of porn also reaches into his family, and most significantly threatens his marriage.
Many studies and research projects have revealed that pornography is a main cause in many divorces.
Here's What The Stats Show
Dr. Jill Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist, testified before the U.S. Senate that 56 percent of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.
Lifesite News reports that Dr. Patrick F. Fagan, Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, "found that pornography use causes instability, distrust, and betrayal in marriages, severely damaging the bond between the husband and wife."
Dr. Fagan said, "Viewers of pornography assign increased importance to sexual relations without emotional involvement. The emotional distance fostered by pornography... can often be just as damaging to the relationship as real-life infidelity, and both men and women tend to put online sexual activity in the same category as having an affair."
Recovery Ranch states that "Many national divorce lawyers are agreeing with Fagan, with a meeting survey from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showing that more than 60 percent agreed that Internet pornography was linked to higher rates of divorce.
They also agree that the prolific spread of Internet pornography during the past few years is a factor. Representatives from the association have stated that less than a decade ago, pornography didn't appear in divorce cases."
The same academy stated that 68% of divorce cases involve one partner starting an affair over the internet.
Dr. Kevin B. Skinner wrote for Psychology Today that "Every year for the past decade there have been roughly 1 million divorces in the United States. If half of the people divorcing claim pornography as the culprit, that means there are 500,000 marriages annually that are failing due to pornography."
Millennials are also large consumers of porn, which will impact future marriages. A 2006 study found that 84 percent of people between 18-49 years of age view porn.
How To Avoid Being A Divorce Statistic
It seems simple. Remove porn from the equation, deal with the underlying issues and the divorce rate will fall. However, with 68% of church going men viewing porn on a regular basis, the divorce rate even in the church is going to continue to climb.
You need a process to find lasting freedom from porn and shift your focus to loving your wife. Recognize the effects porn is having on your relationship. Dealing with your porn usage will enable you to become the husband your wife desires and deserves.
Stephen Waldo, the founder of Husband Help Haven, wrote "What seems to you like nothing more than what all guys do, seems to your wife like a deeply emotional attack on her self-worth...Instead of spending time thinking about how you can justify your actions, you would be much better served by reflecting on what is missing from your marriage or your life that led you to seek comfort in pornography."
Steps to a Better Marriage
Here are some steps you can take to become a better husband and see your marriage become one that honors both your wife and God.
1. Passionately pursue God. When you get your relationship right with Him, your other relationships will fall in line.
2. Become accountable to other godly men who have personally experienced porn addiction. Find a Conquer Series small group or another accountability group. You need the support and encouragement these men will give you.
3. Install Internet blocking protection on your computer and all your electronic devices. This is another layer of accountability.
4. Go to bed when your wife does. Don't allow for time you can secretly view porn while she sleeps.
5. Make your wife your priority. Show her that you value and desire time with her more than anyone or anything else.
6. Take your wife on dates. Show affection. Talk openly and honestly with her.
7. Don't just talk with her, make sure you listen to her. Make eye contact and focus only on her without distractions.
8. Most importantly, understand and receive God's grace in the depth of your soul. God tells us that if we ask for His forgiveness for our sins - and that includes our sexual sins - He will lovingly do so. Then release all the pains, failures and disappointments of your past and forgive yourself. Only you can do that. Then true healing can begin.
Restoring your marriage and rebuilding your wife's trust in you will take time. But think back to when you first fell in love with her and then spoke those vows to her. That kind of deep love and intimate union can never be found on your computer screen.
Hope for Your Marriage
Your marriage is worth fighting for. Your pornography usage must be overcome, and the Conquer Series
will help you get freedom from your porn bondage.
The Conquer Series
is an award-winning cinematic small group series for men that is helping nearly one million men worldwide find lasting freedom from porn. The videos contain powerful testimonies, strong Bible teaching, and exciting action scenes.
Edward Froese said,"Thank you for the Conquer Series...Amazing stuff!! Thank you for providing such amazing material to show us God's amazing love to us...Our marriage is wonderful again, and that was not because my wife had to change. I had to change, and I invited the Lord to change my heart and He has. I love meeting with the Lord every day. This takes my eyes off the world and my issues and fills my heart with joy and peace."
Breaking free from pornography will not be easy. It will take some hard work and the willingness to be honest and open with yourself and other men. But your marriage will become stronger and you will be free of the guilt and shame of pornography addiction.